jolien westerbroek wrote: > I hope your GF (what does GF mean?) comes back soon. > Don't give up your dreams! Persist in living your dream dude, that will help > you through life in the best possible way. Setbacks like these, I think, are > invented to help us be even more persistant in achieving our goals. Always > let your choices come forth from your pure (wolf)heart, don't let > circumstances dictate your path. Maybe you should keep your goals pure and > clear again. Just for you. > Did you know that the Japanese have a saying, already in a 1000 BC: > 'Since my house has burnt down, I can see the moon better.' > Howl at the moon and keep a clear heart! After a while your worried mind > will follow without fear and than everything will line up again in the > direction that you want it to go, running like the wind. > > Lots of huggs my friend, I'll be thinking of you. Thank you. Let me fill in the details however: The fact is that GF means my GirlFriend (Christina) and the negative probability which I am so afraid of is that she will have to have her ovaries removed due to a disease. This is what ruined my goals on the long term, I am one of those people that like kids and obviously that was my goal all along. She has felt perfection in that she will be the one to bare my kids when we manage to get togather and I have seen my life's eternal problem solved when I met her, I belive she would be the perfect mother for my children. The pain is more in the fact that my girl's long term goals have disapeared, than in the point that I have suddenly lost The Goal in my life. Morever, there is the problem that I will have to be looking for a suitable surrogate and add her to my pack (which is not impossible since we are all polyamorous), which makes the story of my life even more impossible, or I will have to be the one to bring about another medical mirracle (which is not impossible either since I have all the education I would require for that so far), which is simmilarly hard. Which all of course depends on wether: "Can we just be friends? Sorry" and "I also have a surgery comming up sometime that is going to make me sad immensly." actualy means the removal of the ovaries, altho it is perfectly logical to conclude that is the truth, there still is hope (the most vivid delusion of the human kind which is at the same time the source of it's greatest strenght and it's greatest weakness; and perhaps the one of wolves too considering the memories I have of my previous life*). All things considered it is true that I am capable of a miracle to counter anything god can put on me, even tho it's way to early. I have created miracles before and just because this time I'm the one that needs them, not other people, I will still be able to do them. After all, I do have friends on my side... friends not bound by the parameters of faith, but of the parameters of choice. I have always thought there was a higher purpose of my life, a friend has told me we are the guaridans of the Core. Meant in an abstract matter it is fully true. We are the guardians, we are constantly inbetween, we cannot haravest the energy of the Core, but it's rays do soround us every now and then. Our purpose, to protect it depends solely on our own abbilities and it would mean to be falioure if we be destroyed or extinct, the falioure to protect the Core, meaning doomsday. It is true, however on an abstract level. Wolves have always been guardians. * = Upon meeting my dying brother, I was happy and thought everything would be alright now that I have found him... in a short while we were both killed. It could be called hope couldn't it? Nontheless I have found my ex-brother now and it seems we're walking down the same path again, we are still proud to be around. -- I could run like the wind just to be with you. Observer aka DustWolf aka CyberLegend aka Jure Sah C'ya! -- Cellphone: +38640809676 (SMS enabled) Don't feel bad about asking/telling me anything, I will always gladly reply. "If there is a god, he probably hates me anyway." Have you been told Internet will always be threatened by worms viruses etc? We don't think so: http://208.186.111.189/ici/index.htm MesonAI -- If nobody else wants to do it, why shouldn't we?(TM)