Owen Nieuwenhuyse wrote:

> > I got myself screwed-up in the process of programming my understanding

> > that has been programed at the time by my environment. All my actions,

> > including the programming I was preforming were controled by the one

> > that has been programming me (including myself of course). This spirale

> > of reprogramming deleted most of the meaning in one of my personalities.

>

> You haven't deleted the deeper meanings, just lost the cues for the

> lead-in persona-styles.

> You probably get disconnected "flash-ins" to these modes occasionly.

> these lead-ins seem to be an important part of memory indexing.



I've tried expanding the meaning, however in it's expanded format it is

not recotnized as what it originaly was. That causes it to seem to never

appear (or be deleted out of existance) to my other half. That is the

cause of my depression.



To explain better, these meanings are like: Friendship, love, etc.



> People do this all the time.

> It is probably more noticeable to you because your critical and

> analytic facilities are more subdivided than usual.



I have my doubts about people doing it all the time, but otherwise: Yes,

I agree.



> I bet you have one or more fairly stable belief structures!

> I don't. Mine are continually getting mixed up.



I have three. One advanced, but unstable (and inperfect) and one

primitive, but perfectly stable. I appear smarter when I'm using the

advanced one, but of course I would like to keep a balance and not let

the stable one flip into place every now and then (come on, it's just

STUPID! I can't stand it taking over the controls all the time!). The

third one is what I call the Debug; the one you're talking too right

now.



> The main hazard seems to be externally projective states, such as

> paranoia.

> These seem to be mainly emotionally driven, and probably supported

> by one or more physical brain disorders. Drugs can help resolve

> emotionally deadlocked states.



I have my doubts about that last thing. You must understand I have some

experience on what happens with drug-treatment of people: The wife of my

father (not my mother) was once on treatment for a depressive-type

deadlock. The amout of her drugs were raised about 6 times by the

doctors after poor effects. If you ask me, her personality was destroyed

by that! The drugs were forcing in happines; an extreeme type of

happines according to the results. Her personality was overwritten

(learned over again) by the experiences she had in that extreeme

happiness --> she was acting like a 5 year old. Anything about her

behaviour she learned over again at the time is utterly childish. Can

you imagine living with such a person? Thank good she is not my actual

mother and I can stay away from her.



DRUGS DESTROY PEOPLE. If you ever come accross them, stay away from them

no matter what good they were supposed to do. Same goes for anything

that causes the same effects, alchocol drinks included. Actualy same

goes for sex too, but in it's natural form it is sufficiently limited,

not to mention it is required.



> > I gather from here that your brain does not have to do any adaptations.

>

> It is more like creating routines and linking them to symbols,

> so that they can be executed automatically.



Ah, yes. I'm fammiliar with this. Very familiar in fact. The one such

ability I was able to gain and am very proud of is the abbility to erase

all emotions currently present in me. Other people cannot stop

themselves from laughing sometimes, not to mention depression and all

the other emotions; to me it's like pressing a button, one thought and

the tears are gone, one click and the smile dissapears from my face... I

love it. The only problem here is that I find myself more often erasing

my smile than my tears, the resason is simple: Smiling (atho vaugely

connected to happines) refers to finding something unusual and to me,

laughing at something that seems strange to me (therefore ever laughing

at all) is exposing my lack of knowledge, is STUPID and humiliating.

This is also the source of my pride and depression.



--



Don't feel bad about asking/telling me anything, I will always gladly

reply.



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