Owen Nieuwenhuyse wrote:

> > But the general problem is initiating a contact or anything like that.

> > I obviously lost the ability to initiate or whatever, I don't know, the

> > only things I do know is that this friendship's definition has

> > disappeared, that it rarely ever occurs and that the only organic things

> > that aren't avoiding me are flies.

>

> Aha! that sounds like Asperger's Syndrome, or the "Geek" Effect!



Thanx(!!) for clearing it up for me.



> I had that problem for many years.

> It is due to unconscious projection of "negative" emotions via voice and

> body language. You just seem "Wrong" to other people.



What most likely seems wrong to most was my skin colour. You see, here

in Slovenia, blacks are REAL rare. Ok, there are lot's of 1/4 blacks

(immigrants from Bosnia, they're almost white), then the 1/2 blacks

(children of people from India, Nepal and the like) that I am and true

(african) blacks are only a few in the entire country. When I was a

child I got really pushed back in devoloping the stuff that I got

problems on right now. Kids fear me for my skin colour and the adults

can't hide it either.



> You do alright communicating by usenet!

> Maybe you need to make on-line friends!



Ha, ha. Yes, as a result of that I've got a seperate personality just

for computer-stuff! =]



I live mostly on the Internet and USENET is a world of my own (where I

am the CyberLegend ;). For example I'm resident on comp.ai.philosophy

since 1997, I devoloped my Internet personality there, I've found

friends there, I've gotten myself a job as a programer (at MesonAI),

etc.



The problem is the other personality that thinks I should be in phisical

contact with friends and is causing depression because of that.



> > Frankly said, I don't belive in any mental illnesses that tend to appear

> > and disappear at 'random'. That's just a way of the ppl saying that

> > they don't get what's going on.

> 

> Obsessive episodes can appear and disappear very quickly.

> Just eating something can make them fizzle out.

> 

> Some bipolars can "flip" moods very quickly, and throw violent rages

> one minute, and be happy and laughing the next.

> It is just a more extreme version of average emotional behavior.



That was me when I was a kid. When things got really bad for me I

freaked out, I was such an animal, emotions were in complete control

(the other personality was still learning it's way trough my Commodore

64's BASIC, it wasn't strong enough for any real-world action yet). I

learned how to inhibit the freakout trigger, but it still causes lot's

of depression.



> > I have suffered a wracked memory, that is completely unreliable, not only

> > that segments of it tend to disappear, but also fake memories appear, it

> > is very dangerous!

>

> Fake memories are reinforced by obsessive disorder and poor time sense.

> clinical obsessives, depressives, schizophrenics, and bipolars all get

> that problem.



My sense of time is callibrated very well with my watch. I can, for

example, wake up in the morning with 5 minute precision.



The fake memories are not memories of something specific. They simply

get constructed if I think of something for a while. These fake memories

go from ultra-long-term memory right to ultra-short-term memory as it

attacks everything including aincent memories and what I've just sensed.

There are zones when it is on and zones when it is off. I cannot

recotgnize the pattern at which this problem appears and dissapears.



The problem is that I cannot posibly know what actualy happened. I'll

give you an examploid moment, when a spunge caught my attention, I was

suprized to see it there, because I clearly remembered that somebody

took it a few moments ago. Obviously that was a fake memory, but the

problem is that there were some other conseqences of the contens of the

fake memory happening in my environment even later trough that day.

Nobody else noticed anything strange about that spunge and when I

described what I remebered, the supporting facts just kept dissapearing

in front of my eyes. The person that was previously angry about the

someone taking that spunge didn't know anything about that anger. Later

that day, he was still angry about it, but I didn't bother asking again,

as I suspected similar results as the previous time.



Can you tell, from the above, what really happened to that spunge?



> > So I know about it, if one has lost a couple of

> > minutes of memory back, he/she/it has lost those minutes of his/her/it's

> > life... They're gone.

>

> Lots of people function quite well with "gappy" short-term memory.

> I have a problem with it. I just write things down a lot.

> As long as you don't get lost too easily,  can find your way to work,

> and can count reasonably well,

> you are not too badly off.



The situations were when I asked my friend for a 2 digit number and have

forgotten it while turning around to write it down.



No problem with orientation tho, I simply set it to 'auto-pilot', I

don't pay attention to where I'm going, I just walk. If I walk somwhere

I have never walked before, this 'auto-pilot' can find the exact way

back, but it is highly stressfull and I really wouldn't like being

forced to use that option ever again.



> He is just on an obsessive "trip". You can't hold down a job in that state!

> If he really wanted to, he could fix himself up a bit.



Yes, he could learn to control that, if he wanted.



I was recently on a disscussion with someone over at

news:alt.animals.humans, with who we discussed master-slave type

relations. He noted that a person incapable of controling himself is

bound to be a slave in real-life, people capable of that however, can

afford to live an equal-levels life and if their control is strong, they

can afford to be masters.



> > Anyway, I have here a little song that keeps me up at moments when I'm

> > depressed, it's a nice orchestral/instrumental/modern, if you would like

> > a copy, just tell me (no copyright would be broken).

> 

> ON:

> No thanks. I just listen to the radio or TV from time to time.

> That is enough music for me.

> I know I have got it right when I find myself humming tunes.  :-)



--



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